The Not-so Sacred Web Book of John Not the Apostle

OXYMORONS

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Act naturally	Advanced BASIC	Airline food	Almost exactly
Alone together	Black light	Bricked-up window	British fashion
Business ethics	Butt head	Childproof	Civil war
Clearly misunderstood	Computer jock	Computer security	Criminal justice
Crisis management	Death benefits	Definite maybe	Diet ice cream
Divorce court	Down escalator	Dry wine	Elementary calculus
Ethical government	Exact estimate	Extra time	Fast idle
Found missing	Freezer burn	Fresh frozen	Fresh frozen
Genuine imitation	Good grief	Gourmet pizza	Government organization
Great depression	Guest host	God Hates...	Half full
Hard pillow	Hopelessly optimistic	Hospital food	Industrial park
Invisible ink	Irate patient	Jumbo Shrimp	Junk food
Lean pork	Legally drunk	Little giant	Living dead
Mandatory option	Microsoft Works	Mild abrasive	Military intelligence
Minor disaster	New classic	Non-stop flight	Now, then . . .
Old news	Original copy	Partially completed	Passive aggression
Peace force	Peacekeeper missile	Plastic glasses	Political science
Pretty ugly	Rap music	Resident alien	Restless sleep
Rock music	Rubber bone	Safe sex	Same difference
Sanitary landfill	Scheduled play	Silent scream	Small crowd
Soft rock	Software documentation	Standard deviation	Sure bet
Sweet sorrow	Synthetic natural gas	Taped live	Temporary tax increase
Terribly pleased	Tight slacks	Turbo Diesel	Twelve-ounce pound cake
Unacceptable solution	Work party	Working vacation	Endless Lists!

Please note: As it is almost impossible to accurately credit a joke's creator, I do not usually try. Some of the jokes contained here are my creation, most have been collected from the Net and non-virtual reality (remember that? Its called "real life" *smile*). If something in this section is your creation and you want credit for it, please let me know. Thanks.

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