The Not-so Sacred Web Book of John Not the Apostle
Church of the Pigly Wiggley? Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple & a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church.
The priest said " We have special requirements for new parishioners, you must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed & came back at the end of two weeks.
The priest went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
The old man replied, "No problem at all priest."
"Congratulations, welcome to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad, on the second week I had to sleep on the sofa but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations, welcome to the church!" said the priest.
The priest went to the young newly-wed couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No sir, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks." the young man replied sadly.
"What happened?" enquired the priest.
"Well, my wife was reaching for a tin of corn on the top shelf and dropped it." said the young man.
"When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand of course, this means that you will not be welcome in our church?" stated the priest.
"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars... Yada Yada...
Here's the truth!A little girl and a little boy outside playing. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?"
Wanna Play House? He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."
"Communicate my thoughts?" says a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."
The little girl says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
The Geography of Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
The Geography of Man Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, Ruled by Nuts!
Based on humor found at my friend Longryder's site.
Some Things Seem Impossible, Something Are! A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head...
In a booming voice, the Lord said "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is selfish.
Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking! I'd have to completely re-terraform the bottom of the Pacific. Let's see... I guess I could make a series of islands to link the sections of the bridge, or maybe I could just plant massive beams... but then, that could compromise the maritime currents I have set in place! I can do it of course, but it is hard for me to justify such work just to satisfy such selfish desires.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy
The Lord paused, then replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Based on humor found at my friend Longryder's site.
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