I can respond by asking you, if reincarnation is not real why do so many of us remember our past lives? I have clear memories of my previous life and glimpses of others ( http://allfaith.com/Mystory/dream.html).
But such a response would not help ;-)
Many different cultures and religious traditions believe in reincarnation and their descriptions of its workings vary. All one can say for certain is that one believes it is true or disbelieves.
I will happily explain my beliefs about it.
I believe that we are all eternal beings and that we enter into material existence to learn and to experience.
What we learn transcends the realms of our experiences. It is not the physical experiences that matter but the deeper realities of those experiences. Hence things like financial debts are utterly irrelevant, generosity, responsibility, honesty, trust, mistrust... these things matter and through them (or there lack) we can learn many important lessons. These realities we never forget life after life. We think of these lessons as "common sense," "innate knowledge," "instinct," and so on. Why do
some people have these traits so strongly while others do not? Its a matter of previous lessons learned.
As we pass through our various experiences we perform actions ("karma" in Sanskrit). Some of these actions are positive, some are negative. As all actions produce reactions ("karma" in Sanskrit, same word) the
individual begins to accumulate reactions, both positive and negative.
Since we entered into the material realms for experiences, we must also experience these reactions. This is the law of karma.
When a person dies she/he still has remaining karma (reactions). While the individual might like to return to the spiritual realms that is not possible because of the remaining karma. Whether positive or negative, the karma must be worked out or experienced. Still, the entity, the
actual "you" wishes to experience and learn and grow. This desire is coupled with the remaining karma and the Divine Will (known as Dharma and Marga) and a suitable lifetime is prepared by astral beings not unlike angels.
This is, as you say, quite complicated. The parents of the child, the child, the family, the nation, the culture, and countless other factors must be right for the being to take birth and continue the samsara (the cycle of birth and death).
Just as their is personal karma, so too their is regional, national and even planetary karma. So many factors influence all other factors. This need not seem overwhelming however. Simply consider the complex elements that must combine to physically form a baby within its mother. Life
is filled with unimaginable complexity. Those of us who accept the existence of God have no problem with the idea that God can manage and keep everything running smoothly.
The deeper the mire this karmic entanglement becomes the harder it becomes to break the cycle and soon the beings are simply tumbling from life form to life form. From time to time, Marga provides a human form of life for the living entity. This rare opportunity is granted in order that the person can achieve liberation and find freedom. This is the
purpose of human intelligence.
How to break this cycle is the purpose of religious practice and faith. For instance, one who follows bhakti-yoga (Paths of devotion such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam, much of Hinduism, portions of Buddhism
etc.) believe that by living for God they accrue neutral karma (their sins are forgiven etc.) and hence the person becomes eligible for salvation and liberation. Of course the terminology they use varies, but essentially this is it. For instance with Christians one accepts God's grace through Jesus and "whatever you do in word or in deed, do all for the glory of God." With Hindus one recites mantras, practices Yoga and receives God's grace and so on.
As for people who incarnate together... those who do so typically agree to the arrangement during their interim lives. Nothing forces them to continue. Think of it as with your own family. You would not wish to disassociate with your loved ones. The same is true is here. This life
seems so long, until one is my age lol. Then it goes by entirely too quickly. Who would not wish to be their loved again?
The difficulty here is that we view these things from the perspective of our own limited experiences. Despite our experiences, this life is but a drop in an endless sea. The good news is, as with all other beliefs, the truth is whatever it is regardless of what we believe. For those
of us who are convinced that transmigration is a process that God uses for our spiritual development it is good, for others their beliefs are good as well if they bring peace.
This may be a longer discourse than you intended, but I wanted to offer you a detailed reply. If you have further questions, don't hesitate to write.
