Questioner: "R"
Subject: ExpirimentingQuestion:
- I am fooling around with one of my guy friends. I don't think i'm gay, just a horny teenager. But I have more fantasies about men than women. In fact, almost no women, but I still like girls. Advice?
John of AllFaith's reply
Hi "R",There is much debate on what it means to be gay. Let's start there OK?
For the purposes of fighting for equal rights and so on certain things are said using "black or white", "either/or" language that may not be technically accurate, or is only limitedly so.
I look at it as more of a scale. There are a few people who are 100% homosexual apparently from birth or even before, and there are some people who are 100% heterosexual, seemingly from birth or before. It sounds like you don't fit in either of these two camps, neither do I, neither do the vast majority of people.... So... you're "normal."
The vast majority of people fall somewhere in between, though most people are closer to the heterosexual end of the spectrum it appears. If you talk with guys who are older, who have dealt with these common feelings and moved on with their lives, I'd say that at least 25 - 50% will tell you that in their teens or early 20's they "experimented" with same gender sexuality, they participated in jack-off parties, gave and/or received oral sex from another guy and so on. It is VERY common. Most guys, after their early 20's settle into a heterosexual lifestyle that excludes (other than porn) gay activities. You are still in your teens and I see NOTHING unusual about your "experimentation." That's how we figure out our places in the world.
You do not need to choose "sides." Just be who you are. If you are attracted to certain guys that's wonderful! If you are attracted to women, that's great too. The important thing is to love.
I'm sure I don't need to mention the obvious...but.... Not all guys are open to sexual advances from other guys, use your head and don't take things personally. The most "homophobic" people are usually the ones closer to the gay side of the scale and are rebelling against their own hidden desires. Truly "straight" men don't care what are other guys like, "it leaves more women for them!"
As you know, the need for sexual protection has never been higher. No one of any gender or age or sexual experience is immune to HIV, herpes and other sexually transmitted diseases so be very careful. Getting a woman pregnant before you are both ready can be problematic and protection is the responsibility of you both.... etc etc.
But if you act intelligently and follow your heart as well as your hormones, you'll be just fine.
Have fun and don't worry about your sexual orientation ;-)
Write back any time (and feel free to ask me anything),
- ~John of AllFaith
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