Questioner: "N"
Subject: A Question about seeking.Question:
- Hi John
My name is "N" and I live in San Francisco. I'm 37, gay and have been "searching" and studying many religions throughout my life...Hare Krishna, Catholisim, Orthdox Christianity, Pure Land Buddhism, Vajrayana Buddhism, Islam, Taoism, etc.
I tend to practice one religious path for a few months and then want to switch. Recently, though I've been able to get it down to just two religions. Gaudiya Vaishnavism and Catholosism.
I love Jesus and I Love Gaura Nitai...I know that both organizations are dysfuntional.
My question is this: I really feel that its impossible to do a combined practice of Christianity and Gaudiya Vaishnavism...Am I going to have to resolve myself to always switching back and forth? I find it next to impossible to choose one over the other...I chant Hare Krishna for 6 months and then want to go back to church and pray to Jesus. Then I pray to Jesus for 6 months and want to go back to Gaura Nitai.
I don't really have any Gaudiya association. My guru is Swami Gaurangapada in Puri and although we communicate on the internet, I've never met him in person.
Swami Gaurangapada says that Krishna is God the Father and that Jesus was Vaishnava, but I don't know if one can combine the two systems. I get very stressed out changing so frequently. I feel like I should just stick with one or the other. But being gay, I always feel like an outsider in any orginaztion.
I appreciate all that you've been through and would value any thoughts you might have on my situation.
In peace
-
"N"
John of AllFaith's reply
Hi "N",Thanks for writing.
Its a difficult question.
As you know, neither of these religions are accepting of gays and lesbians. There are Catholic groups that are and there are a few Vaisnavas who are gay or affirming, at least in private. Being openly gay in either is very difficult however.
I find Catholicism and Gaudiya Vaisnavism to be among the more compatible religions. I've known several Catholic monks and a couple of priests who regularly chant the Maha Mantra ["hare krsna hare krsna, krsna krsna, hare hare, hare rama, hare rama, rama rama, hare hare"], and even the Gayatri ["Om Bhur Bhuvaha Svaha, Tat Savitur Varenyam..."] in two cases, I've heard of many others. They chant their rosaries and include the Maha Mantram.
My own path has been very eclectic, and yet I acknowledge the advantages of following a set discipline. Seems to me that if your faith/insight is such that you can see the One Truth present in both, it might be possible to practice one or the other without rejecting the other. I know Vasinavas who chant the rosary, visit Catholic churches and shrines. This can be difficult for many (maybe most) people, but there are those who do it. I'm afraid the best I can advise is that you follow your heart and bear in mind that the truth truly is within you.
As I recall, Srila Prabhupada taught us that YHVH, God the Father, was a lesser Vishnu expansion and that Jesus was a partial expansion of Lord Brahma... I'd have to dig through the books for this... but I think, personally, that God is One (as the RgVeda and the Gita teaches) and that it is only we fallen souls who desire categories. God is Who God is whatever we believe. If we pray to God as Jesus, as Krsna, as Siva, as Ahura Mazda... Does the One God hear our prayers? I believe so. Whoever we perceive Jesus to be, his teachings were the same as Lord Krsna's, bhakti-yogam thou shalt love the Lord Thy God fully.
Srila Bodhayan Maharaja visits San Rafael around twice a year (at Ram Das' house) and the Gayatri Foundation in Berkeley hosts lots of sannayssin. Living in the Bay Area there are lots of sadhus available to meet and take association of. I know three regulars at the Gayatri Foundation who are gay (2 men, 1 woman). They typically don't share this, but the folks at the foundation know and don't make an issue of it (at least this was the case 3 years ago when I still lived in Bay Area). They couldn't really be out though. I'm north of there now, near Paradise.
This probably doesn't help much... But hang in there and never give up. I am convinced that all Paths have part of the Truth and that none of them have it all. Associate as you can, learn as you can, but hold to the one within your heart.
Feel free to write back any time,
Radhe Sham and Hail Mary ;-)
-
~John of AllFaith
Follow up:
From "N"Hi John -
Thank you for your kind words. It is actually very helpful. I will follow my heart and maybe do both. We'll see. Thanks so much for responding.
I think you're right about neither of these paths being really open to being gay. Maybe that's actually a fortunate thing that I'm on the outside, because maybe that way I KNOW that God is particularly merciful to outsiders and I can take kind of a shamanic (I'm not sure what I mean by that) approach.
Thanks again and I will stay in touch. You seem like a kind and knowledgable soul.
Hail Mary, Radhe Shyam!
In peace!
-
"N"
Response from John of AllFaith
Any time my friend ;-)Here's a little poem I wrote a few years ago that I think sums up the truth nicely:
by John of AllFaith © 1979
Some folks say they know the truth
They claim they've got it all down,
But I say that such people
Are little more than clowns
For God is far greater
Than anything, we conceive
And so we're only partly right
No matter what we believe
Like Paul we gaze in the mirror
And behold our own reflection
I guess we won't really know the Truth
'Till we attain perfection
The only thing I know for sure
Is that God is Love
My only hope of salvation
Is to trust that Love above
Yah vishva deva
Ki vatika
Hai sair karne
Ke liye
[translation: This universe is God's garden
And it's meant for roaming in]
Happy roaming!
Namaskar,
-
~John of AllFaith
Jagannatha Prakasa
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